How to become a better wife

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As women, it seems like we always are wanting to be better. A better mother, a better wife, a better neighbor, the list goes on. I think as women that tends to be our nature. It is easy to feel like we aren’t good enough and we need to better.  Keep reading to see my 12 ways to be a better wife.

100% her + 100%

It can be easy to find yourself going through the motions of being a wife. It can be easy to become even complacent or stagnant in our relationship.

It is important to note that a strong healthy marriage, takes two people giving their 100%, but as a wife, you are part of that equation.

It is so easy to focus on the other person and what they are not doing or what you wish they were doing, but there is a much better solution to this. The solution is YOU! In reality, we can’t change others, but we can change ourselves.

Becoming a better wife isn’t something you do in one day and then “bam” you are all of a sudden this amazing wife!

Just like anything good, it takes consistency and the desire to make simple changes.

Even if you just pick one or two of these changes I am going to share with you, I know they will make you a better wife than before. It is all about one step in the right direction.

better wife

I am not perfect by any means! I still have a lot of growing and improving to do but I hope these simple ways will strengthen your relationship with your husband and help you become a better wife.

How to be a better wife

When you are dating, engaged, or even newly married, it seems so easy to be a great wife. It is just you and him. You don’t have anything else that is taking your time and attention.

No crying babies in the night or dirty diapers to change. Or maybe you don’t have the stress of bills piling up or a messy house to clean. In the beginning, things just seem simple and easy.

As the years go by, change happens and that is just the way life is. Soon your life isn’t just the two of you blinded by love.

Maybe you have the stress of your husband in the middle of intense schooling, or you have littles running around. You could be dealing with moving to a new house or your husband working overtime.

Life can throw all kinds of things in your way and sometimes being the best wife gets pushed to the bottom of the list.

Don’t feel bad, it happens to all of us. Deep down we all want to be the best we can be for our spouse, but our attention tends to get pulled in all different directions.

12 ways to become a better wife

  • Make him your top priority
  • Know his love language
  • Criticize less and compliment more
  • Make sure always respect him
  • Give him time to himself
  • Encourage him and focus on the good
  • Communicate
  • Pray for him
  • Don’t embarrass him
  • Keep dating
  • Don’t bad mouth him

1. Make him your top priority

This seems like a no brainer, well that is because it is! But sadly, this gets lost in the commotion of life. Especially when you add kids, a busy career, or other consuming life challenges.

As a wife, your role encompasses so much more! You become a mother, a cook, a chauffeur, a nurse, a cleaner, a planner, and many other titles.

Your time becomes split in a million different ways, along with your attention.

This can be hard for your husband to always stay your top priority. Even though he may not need a bedtime story or an “owie” to be kissed. Or a ride to soccer practice or help with math homework. He still needs you.

Your husband needs to still feel cared for and loved. Make sure you aren’t neglecting his needs. Listen to him, take an interest in things that he likes. 

2. Know his love language

I know you obviously love your husband and he loves you but knowing and understanding his love language can make everything even better.

5 Love Languages Book

Everyone receives and gives love differently. Sometimes we fall into the trap of giving love in the way we like to receive it.

Although there is nothing necessarily bad about this, you may be “talking” to your husband in the wrong love language.

Let’s say for instance you love to receive gifts, so you think buying your husband gifts will make him feel special and loved.

If your husband’s love language is “quality time” buying him gifts might not be the way he receives love well.

We could go really in-depth with this but for better use of your time, I would highly recommend reading The 5 Love Languages book.

It talks about the 5 main love languages and how gaining a little insight into each one will give you the tools to be better equipped to communicate love better.

3. Criticize less and compliment more

Marriage is hard. But if it was easy then how would there be room to learn and grow?

It always seems like finding fault with things can often seem much easier than dishing out compliments all day long. It’s like creating bad habits is easier than creating good ones.

Sometimes it really takes a conscious effort and changes within ourselves to strive for something that is more wholesome.

We are human and we aren’t perfect. But really try to avoid criticism towards your husband and it will make a world of difference.

We all make mistakes or do things wrong, but I think deep down we are trying our best.

So, when your husband doesn’t pick the right thing up from the grocery store or forgets to do a house chore you’ve been begging for, give him a break.

Instead of resulting in words full of criticism and frustration, hold your tongue and give a compliment instead.

4. Make sure you always respect him

Showing respect to your husband really is important. Disrespect goes against everything marriage is.

Respect nurtures trust and will make your husband feel safe and willing to share anything with you.

Exercising respect also shows him that you wouldn’t ever say or do anything to deliberately hurt him.

5. Give him time to himself

I am going to be brutally honest here. This one is hard for me. I don’t know why, but it is.

Well, actually maybe I do know why…I think it is because I feel like if my husband is wanting to do something without me, I feel unloved and or unwanted. I can assure you, my mindset is 100% wrong.

My husband loves me more than anything but sometimes he needs time to himself. In his case that might be going fishing or tying flies (he is an avid fly fisherman).

Your husband might enjoy hunting or golf or working on a DIY project. Maybe he likes getting together with some friends or playing basketball. Whatever the outlet, your husbands need time to himself to rejuvenate.

Allowing your husband to enjoy his hobbies will help him be a better other half to you.

Obviously, you have to keep a good balance but just as women we benefit from breaks and time to ourselves so do our husbands.

Sometimes it’s hard to be happy for your husband to do fun things because you might be the one stuck at home with the grumpy toddler, but we all have to give and take.

This is something I really have to work on.

6. Stop nagging

This one is another one of those that I am terrible at!

Nagging is like criticizing but it doesn’t go away. It is persistent harassment to do something that seems to have a little success rate.

Even though I still fall into the ever so easy trap of nagging I have come to learn over the 6 and a half years of being married that it actually doesn’t help! Imagine that!

All that constant badgering and your husband still doesn’t seem to listen.

I actually think it has the opposite effect and makes them listen less, at least with my husband anyway.

When I make a conscious effort to avoid nagging, I have really seen improvements and a happier husband.

Nagging brings a negative atmosphere and will often create a tense feeling. Men aren’t always the best at following instructions, that’s just the way they are.

I don’t think they mean to, but constant nagging in their ears will only create resentment.

Replace nagging with looking at how you can appreciate your spouse will provide you with a much better outcome.

Try to go a whole day without nagging once and see what happens. You might be surprised.

7. Encourage him and focus on the good

Who doesn’t like encouragement? Good encouragement is a great motivator and helps others feel good about themselves. What better person to encourage than your husband!

Encouraging your husband and showing appreciation for his hard work allows you to focus on the good while uplifting him.

These simple ways can really make a difference and help your husband see that you care and are grateful for all that he does.

8. Communicate

Communication is HUGE! Communication is vital in marriage and is often undervalued in its power.

It is always important to have open communication with one another. I know personally, a lot of misunderstanding I have had with my husband usually always stem from poor communication.

I hate to break it to you, but your husband is NOT a mind reader. You may think he is; you may wish he is, but he isn’t.

So, don’t expect him to be able to know exactly what you want, or need, or understand what you’re implying if you are not using words to communicate with him.

Save the headache and practice good communication skills, it will avoid frustration on both ends.

9. Pray for him

I believe in the power of prayer. It is something I don’t go a day without using. So, it seems silly not to pray for my husband. I have found when I sincerely pray for him, I am better able to understand his needs and be a better wife.

Praying for each other can instill us with God’s power that will more fully allow us to be our best selves. Consciously praying for your spouse will help you draw closer to one another and better meet each other’s needs.

10. Don’t embarrass him, especially in public

No one likes to be embarrassed, so do you best to always avoid embarrassing your husband especially in public.

Our actions may be unintentional, but if you embarrass your husband especially in front of others that degrades his dignity and shows to him that you care little about how he feels.

11. Keep dating

Even though you are married that doesn’t meaning dating ends here. Dating MUST continues throughout your entire marriage.

You’re probably looking at your busy schedule and long to do list and thinking there is no way you have time to fit in a date!

Well, maybe you are super busy but that doesn’t mean that dating should just fly out the window and never return.

Dating your husband will keep your marriage alive, healthy, and the relationship between yourself and your husband strong.

Make time for each other. Schedule time alone together each week, whether that is an actual date, a movie night, or a night sitting on the porch catching up with each others day.

Continuing to date during marriage is one of the best things you can do, otherwise your love will slowly fade over time and before you know it you’ll be wondering if you even really know the man you are married to.

If you are looking for some unique but super fun date night ideas, check this post out! You won’t find these date ideas ANYWHERE else.

12. Don’t bad mouth him

Refrain from talking bad about your husband. Even if you are frustrated and bad at him for whatever reason it may be, it is important not to go behind his back and start bad mouthing him to your girlfriends, mother, or sister.

You will lose his trust and sharing a problem that you both need to figure out together with someone else isn’t fair.

Don’t air his dirty laundry around for others and talk trash on him if you are upset about a situation.

Make sure you communicate with each other to solve any issues rather than share your frustrations and talk bad about him to others.

You are doing your best

Marriage definitely takes two people. But we as wives can do things to create a better marriage and ultimately become a better wife.

I know we are striving to be the best that we can be, because we care and love those around us, especially our husbands.

We aren’t perfect, believe me, I am far from perfection. I still have to make a daily effort to implement these tips into our marriage and I still have a long way to go but I know I am becoming a better wife by doing these things.

When we better ourselves we are bettering our marriage as a whole. Plus, our spouse is happier and so is everyone else.

Do you have any other tips on how to become a better wife? Have you tried any of these suggestions? I would love to hear your thoughts.

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