How to communicate better for a happy marriage

How to communicate better in marriage

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Developing better communication is vital for a happy and strong marriage. It is something that takes patience and practice but will be something you don’t want your marriage to go without.  Keep reading to find out how to communicate better in your marriage.

How does communication help strengthen your marriage?

Without good communication between you and your husband, situations will usually result in frustration, anger, and feelings of misunderstanding.

When we openly communicate with one another we can often avoid arguments and conflicts.

Developing healthy communication skills as a couple will only provide you with a happier marriage.

communication in marriage

Over the 5 and a half years I have been married I have seen how communication and lack of it can really affect our marriage.

Through the years we have learned to develop better communication skills.

Though we are far from perfect, making a conscious effort to improve our communication with each other really helps strengthen us as a couple.

Do men and women communicate differently?

You probably already know this, but men and women are completely different in more ways than one. Not only do we see things differently to men, but we also communicate differently too.

Good news though, that is not a bad thing, just something you need to remember.

The way you like to communicate might not always be effective for your husband and vice versa.

Learning how your husband likes to communicate can really provide a healthier experience.

Maybe being conscious of picking a good time to talk to your husband about a problem.

Or instead of constant nagging, leaving him a note with the task you would like completed could be more effective.

We are all different, and that is good! If everyone had the same personalities and traits, the world would be pretty boring.

Plus, we wouldn’t learn and grow from each other’s differences.

Something that might work for one person may not work for another. That is why marriage is a journey, we learn and grow along the way.

Understanding each other’s communication language can really benefit you both.

That also means showing your husband how you like to communicate.

Working out the different ways that accommodate you both, may seem tricky but will be worth it.

Why is clear communication so important?

Communication is good but clear communication is better! Offering communication that is clear and easy to understand is helpful for both husband and wife.

It allows your husband to understand exactly want is wanted or needed and it avoids frustration on your end.

It is so easy to run into conflicts or disagreements because either you or your husband didn’t express clear communication. We all fall into this trap; I know I have!

As women, we tend to like things to happen a certain way, and we also seem to think our husbands are amazing mind readers!

Well, sadly they are not.

No matter how hard they try sometimes they get it wrong, but it is usually because we expected them to know what we wanted.

If our needs or wants are not clearly displayed and understood, the receiving end is only going to experience frustration and confusion.

When I make a diligent effort to always express my feeling and or concerns upfront with my husband, I have found it to be so helpful and it always avoids possible conflicts.

7 Ways to improve communication with your husband

Here are 7 simple ways to simply improve communication with your spouse. 

Remember that often times we need to take a look into ourselves to see what changes we can make to be better ourselves first. 

For some helpful ideas check out my How to Be a Better Wife post!

1. Listen

I know you may think of communication as talking to someone, so how does listening affect communication?

Listening plays a HUGE role in effective communication because without listening nothing really gets accomplished. Most of the time we are communicating because we want to be heard.

If your spouse is communicating with you, you need to make sure you are being a good listener for him, as you would want him to listen well to you.

2. Don’t assume anything, he can’t read your mind!

This is a big one! As women this one can be especially difficult, I know this because I have experienced it and you probably have to.

As much as we think we know almost everything, we still shouldn’t assume.

Don’t assume your husband read your mind about grabbing an extra diaper and snacks if you didn’t verbalize that to him.

Assumptions can really destroy a relationship.

Negative feelings and thoughts begin to be thrown at your husband if he didn’t meet your expectations simply because you assumed he read your mind.

3. Be open and avoid being defensive- Remember you are a team

Sometimes seeing something from another person’s perspective can be the hardest thing about communication.

But if you are able to empathize with your husband and do your best to see the situation from his point of view it will most likely result in a better conversation.

If we are constantly on the defense, we really are not working as a team.

Communication can be so beneficial but if done in a way where we are constantly working against each other, it is completely counterproductive.

If you feel like your conversation is heading in a direction where you are on different sides, stop and ask yourself “are my words showing that I want to be working on the same team?”

As husband and wife, you are each other’s teammates.

As silly as it sounds, you really are working together to get through life’s challenges. Well, at least it is easier when you do it this way.

For me personally, when I feel like I’m in a situation with my husband where we are bantering in a way that is pulling us apart, I verbalize my thoughts and feelings to him.

I express that even though we may be disagreeing ultimately, we are on the same team.

I ask “how can we handle this situation in a way that we work together and not against each other?”

Let’s face it, we are going to have disagreements, and that is TOTALLY normal. And to be honest it is okay too! Working through disagreements is a great way to learn and grow as a couple.

It may take some time or a bit of compromising, but just remember if you fight for each other as teammates instead of enemies, your marriage will be so much stronger.

4. Pick the right time

Timing is everything. Picking the right time to talk about certain things with your spouse will really help the outcome.

Certain things may be better saved for a time when you are both able to give your full attention.

Of course, I am not saying don’t ever talk to your spouse unless you have a time scheduled, but certain things may have to wait.

Pouncing on your husband the moment he steps foot in the door after a long and stressful day at work with your list of complaints for him may not the “welcome home, honey” he wanted.

Small talk or chatting about his day may be a better choice of conversation, than reeling off your mile-long to-do list or getting something off of your chest about something he did wrong.

By all means, you need to sort any conflicts or important problems out. Don’t just let them fester, that is even worse!

But picking a time when you are both in a good place and ready to give each other your full attention is a much better choice.

Scheduling ahead of time to talk about something can be a good idea as well.

This gives both of you a heads up about what you’ll be discussing, and you often can be more prepared, responsive and offer better solutions.

I sometimes become a serious night owl and have a tendency (that I need to work on) to bring up important things late into the evening.

Often times my husband is tired and ready for bed.

If it is too late, I have learned (well… still learning) it is sometimes better to hold off and find a more suitable time to discuss the matter.

Obviously, some things may need to be addressed right then and there, and sometimes that is how it needs to go. But more often than not, picking the right time can really help.

5. Be clear

We kind of have already covered this as it seems to go hand in hand with not assuming he can read your mind. BUT I will reiterate it again in a slightly different light.

Being clear and upfront can really help improve your communication skills with your husband.

It is so easy to feel frustrated because we were not clear enough, and our husbands did something wrong through misunderstanding.

It is not fair for them to have to receive our feelings of anger and frustration if we didn’t give clear and concise instructions or requests.

Being clear during a discussion can also help you both feel more productive and feel as though you are better able to understand each other’s needs.

Plus, you know you are both on the same page.

If either one of you are unsure, ask the other one questions to clarify the issue to be sure to do your best in meeting any expectations.

6. Give 100% undivided attention

This one is a big component for me. I hate it if I am talking with my husband and he is preoccupied doing something else.

I am sure he feels the same way when he is trying to share something with me, and I am not giving him my full attention.

Something we have worked on as a couple is to be sure to avoid being on our phones while talking with one another. When we do this our communication is so much more effective.

Plus, it makes you feel so much better knowing that your spouse is giving you their full undivided attention.

If we are stuck scrolling on Instagram or too busy checking emails, we are basically showing our spouse that whatever we are too busy doing is actually more important than them.

7. Focus on the positive

Focusing on the positive in anything can really change the whole tone of things. Finding positive things in your spouse will help you be more grateful for him. It sounds silly but it will help your communication too!

Give it a try. Verbalize something positive to your spouse each day for a week and I guarantee your marriage will be strengthened in many ways.

Good communication is key to a happy and healthy marriage.

Communication is a two-way process, so talk with your husband and implement some techniques to improve your communication with each other.

Developing these skills will help to avoid conflict and unwanted arguing.

Remember you are both in the journey of life together, so at least be on the same team speaking the same language.

What are some ways you find helpful to communicate with your husband? Do you think good communication is vital for a strong marriage?

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